Denver, Colorado — Onlookers stood in amazement as the first pieces of swag were unveiled in front of the west steps of the Colorado state capitol building. The historic items? Two pens and one tote bag. Normally a couple of pens and a bag originating from the Colorado General Assembly don’t make news, but these were different. These items were the first to display the brand new logo of the Colorado General Assembly. Lawmakers proudly exchanged nods of encouragement to each other as they tried on the tote bag for size for the cameras. Senator McBride from Stapleton remarked, “Feels good doesn’t it? That old logo just didn’t represent us anymore.”

The old logo the Senator was referring to was the Colorado state seal – a logo that stood for nearly 150 years. For the past several weeks however, lawmakers reflected on their votes this 2011 legislative session and came to a nearly unanimous conclusion – it’s time for a new logo. “The old logo represents the seal of the people. As we’ve demonstrated this legislative session, we don’t necessarily represent the people,” commented Representative Myer of Glenwood Springs.

A source close to the decision process explained that lawmakers were tired of pretending they “listened to their constituents on matters of energy-pricing and the environment.” They needed a brand new image, something that “reflected the times.” Therefore, lawmakers met in a joint conference committee meeting last week to agree on a brand new logo for the General Assembly. They agreed it had to include the words, “Xcel’s bitch.” What was a point of contention however, was the size of the font and whether they should include an image of an energy rate-payer bending over. In the end, they tabled the picture idea and went with “Xcel’s Bitch” in a font size that looked good on official stationary, envelopes, pens, coffee cups, tote bags, and the occasional mint tin.

An official statement from the General Assembly was given to reporters. “It’s a great day for the Colorado General Assembly. We proudly lead the nation in energy policy and now our state symbol reflects that.  We can’t thank our friends at Xcel enough for their ongoing support and guidance through all of our tough decisions we made this session regarding energy policy in Colorado. We are thrilled to pass every bill you ask us to and kill those you dislike, because Xcel is Colorado.”

Xcel could not be reached for comment.