Legalizing Immorality
The Colorado Legislature is considering repealing a very old, unenforced law banning adultery and criminalizing innkeepers for renting rooms to unmarried couples. Looking for a trusted leader of morality and virtue in our community, the sponsor of the bill repealing the law asked me to testify for it.
Let me make very clear that the Independence Institute doesn’t wade into social issues and has no official stance on the bill. So allow me to speak solely for myself on this issue.
There are busloads of married women who wish to sleep with me but are prevented from doing so solely by this outdated law. Binders full of them. And no, this is not just bravado speaking. In some of their applications for restraining orders against me they have mentioned this law specifically.
Oh yes, there is a limited government argument here as well. Having laws on the books that are not enforced leaves them open to abuse, to be used for selective harassment. The law, and its enforcement, should apply to all, not just to a few. Inn-keepers shouldn’t have to worry that if they become crosswise with some government official, an obscure law can make them a criminal. And while this legislature is now passing similar harassment laws to be selectively used against gun owners, the least they can do is repeal some old ones.
But that’s not why I support its repeal.
Here is a partial list of the married women I plan to make time with should this bill pass:
Selma Hayek
Angelina Jolie
Halle Berry
Marcia Brady
Nicole Kidman
The young Sophia Loren
Faith Hill
The old Sophia Loren
Margaret Thatcher
That chick in the bikini from the “Tab” commercial when I was a kid
Blondie Bumstead (what’s she doing with Dagwood I’ll never understand)
Aunt Bea, but I’ve been in therapy for that.
“That chick in the bikini from the “Tab” commercial when I was a kid”
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tab+commercial+bikini
25 Feb 2013 at 9:01 am