As you may know, I lost my daughter Parker, my only child at the time, to cancer just days before her first birthday. I cannot express the pure terror of that experience. The reality of shopping for a coffin and choosing a burial plot for your only child is a horror that is thankfully rare in modern America.

It is with this personal experience I have a special sensitivity to what the families in Newtown, Connecticut, are now suffering. I lost my child to illness, and at least had the opportunity to try to comfort her and tell her how much I love her. The families of Newtown had no such luxury, no such last goodbye.

For the last decade, I have had an internal battle trying to understand why God or nature would cause my little girl to suffer so. But for these families, that internal struggle will be greatly expanded. How does a parent even begin to comprehend why another human would steal away their child in such a way?

With a dead child and a son now living with Down syndrome I have lived through experiences I despise. Even so, I cannot begin to imagine the hurt and raw fear that these people are now forced to endure. Our thoughts and prayers are with them.

I have learned something of grief, and the long, slow process it takes. Fortunately, there were many dear friends, family, and professionals to help me steer my way through it. Grief may be delayed somewhat, but it never can be avoided. And it is a bitch.

In the immediate madness after my daughter’s death I had little hope, and thoughts of drastic actions filled my mind. A counselor with special expertise in grieving was quite stern with me. Under no circumstances was I to make any major changes in my life for at least a year. Simply, there was no way I, or anyone in my situation, could see reality clearly enough and calmly enough to weigh important decisions.

I wasn’t to kill myself, quit my job, move away, squander my savings, start doing drugs, or anything for at least a year. And I so desperately wanted to do all those things at different times. She insisted I wasn’t to allow the pain and madness drive a decision that would be hard or impossible to undo if it was wrong.

Grieve first, then make decisions — not the other way around.

This advice not to make decisions during such pain is echoing through by body today as strongly as it did when I wanted to take all those insane actions myself. If I had gone down even one of those paths, it would have been a massive mistake. I see that now. My counselor was right. I can’t thank her enough.

I fear that we, collectively, are not wise enough to take this advice today. And we so need to. In the immediate pain and madness of this crime, the desire to do something, something big, something different, is nearly overwhelming, uncontrollable. I know what this feels like all too well. It feels like it makes all the sense in the world to ban certain firearms, throw restrictions on the law-abiding, disarm civilians, turn ourselves against the Bill of Rights, just as my desires made perfect sense to me during my time of pain.

But given my experience, I worry where we will find ourselves years from now if we allow grief and the madness of pain to take us down a path from which we can’t return. Let us grieve. Let us walk through the pain and hurt and fear. Clear thinking will return, in time. Then let us talk clearly and calmly about the serious decisions that might change us forever.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the horrific shooting here in Colorado, and I have to say Colorado is still grieving and folks here are still spooked by it all. It feels all too familiar to us here. We felt the same way after the Columbine High School killings over a decade ago. And there is a positive connection between then and now – we learned from Columbine – and that saved lives.

The police response to Columbine was a tragedy of errors, bad communications between law enforcement, a confusing chain of command, and slow response. Since then, and because of then, police forces have trained for such horrific events. This time the speedy and certain actions by the Aurora police and the quick coordination with other agencies kept the death toll low. Police were there in 90 seconds from the first call. They rushed victims to hospitals in their own squad cars, not waiting for ambulances, saving precious time. With so many injured, clear communication allowed different hospitals to share the emergency patient loads and triage.

The Aurora police chief remarked that after Columbine they have regularly trained for such events, never imagining they would ever be in need of it.

These have not been the only mass shootings in Colorado. Several years ago a gunman began shooting in the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, but there he was meet with a woman who had a concealed carry permit. She put his rampage to an early end. If not for her legal ability to carry a gun who knows how many more might have died.

All of this to say, policy matters. It matters so much, it means the difference between life and death. It makes me very proud of the work of our own Dave Kopel, who runs our Second Amendment Project. His work to make concealed carry a reality in Colorado and most of the nation has saved lives. His work after Columbine and his reviews of the police response was part of the reason for instructional changes for first responders.

Of course this latest tragedy is being used to push for dis-arming Americans. Before we in Colorado could even deal with the shock of the shooting it was being politicized. Dave’s knowledge and skills have been an asset in the last few weeks as he helps steer the conversation away from blind emotion to reason.

He’ll be doing that yet again tonight on CNN as a guest on “Piers Morgan Tonight.” I’ll challenge you to tune in and discern reason and respect from political exploitation.

I am one of the most fortunate men in the world. My vocation is also my avocation. I love my job more than the day I started. Every day I work with the most talented and passionate people I have ever known. And we leverage our shared vision of freeing the human spirit from the chains of collectivism by the work we do together. Our work makes a powerful difference.

My personal life is somewhat a different matter. I never, ever, thought I’d be a divorced man, a single father trying to raise two kids, including a son with Down Syndrome who requires constant special attention, and a grieving parent. But then again, who would ever think their family life will go that way? I assume I’m like most divorced parents, riddled with guilt and feeling I have damaged my kids’ childhood, and hoping I’m making the best decisions for them.

The divorce rate of parents of a dead child is astronomical; one study suggest between 80 and 90%. All I can say is that when you have a child, everything in your life changes. All parents learn that. Fortunately many fewer parents learn that when you lose a child, it also changes everything.

This November will be the eleventh anniversary of the death of my dear Parker. She was our only child at the time, and we were planning for her first birthday. She missed that birthday by a matter of days. I will spare you the details of the scenes of how the cancer ripped through her tender little body. I will tell you that every day I ache to hold her again, as if it is a physical need. I am so grateful for the people who cared for her at Children’s Hospital. I have no idea how they dedicate their lives to something which requires them witness such scenes constantly. It makes my choice of vocation seem cowardly.

Just like I never imagined divorce, I never imagined I would step foot into Children’s Hospital ever again. For me it meant the ultimate in horror and pain. But when my son Chance was born, Children’s Hospital was again a big part of our lives. In his short eight years of life he has gone through ten operations there, starting with open-heart surgery at only three weeks. I no longer see this place as a place of desperation. I now see Children’s as a place of hope. This place, and the brave people who work there, have kept me from living through the horror of losing another child.

My friend and coworker, Tracy Smith, does something to help my son Chance by remembering and celebrating my little girl Parker. Every year she bikes the “Courage Classic” to raise money for Children’s Hospital. But I don’t see it that way. She raises money to keep my little man alive. And she rides under the group called “Team Parker,” and keeps my little girl’s memory alive.

I didn’t expect for my children’s lives to go the way they have, and I am so grateful that people before me created and invested in the Children’s Hospital. Should someone you love sadly need this place, and trust me you won’t expect it either, you’d be glad you invested in Children’s.

Tracy has a goal of raising $5000. I am asking you to get her well above that mark by donating right now before the small fires that take over our days interfere. Please help my son. Please remember my daughter. Please click on this link to donate: http://www.couragetours.com/2012/tracy_smith

Each year, the Colorado Union of Taxpayers (CUT) rates members of the legislature as friends or foes of Colorado taxpayers.  I am quite disappointed to see that for 2012 my own state representative from House District 4 in northwest Denver, Dan Pabon, was second-to-last with a CUT rating of 3.57 percent.  Seriously Dan, only second-to-last?  Kinda dropped the ball there didn’t you?  I’d have thought you would at least match Rep. John Soper’s 0.00 percent rating for a last place tie.  But I’ll go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you accidentally voted the wrong way on a bill.

Anyway, as one of your constituents, I’d like to ask that you re-double your efforts for next year’s legislative session and see if you can’t get that CUT rating down to last place.  I know the competition is stiff, but make House District 4 proud.

The last thing Governor Hickenlooper wants is for me to come to his defense, ever. Sorry John, I just gotta.  As a guy who has his foot in his mouth so often I can tell if socks are cotton or poly-bend just by taste, I have to say Hick’s amusing slip about the mayor’s wife in the shower is not only no big deal, it’s, well, funny. Reading that black ministers are demanding a public apology for a joke that was clearly meant as a compliment just proves that the humorless and prudish keep reproducing. (And doesn’t that act take at least some appreciation of slapstick? I can show you pictures.)

Given my proclivity for endless sophomoric sex jokes (thus the Independence Institute motto – Come for the Public Policy, Stay for the Sexual Harassment), I know what it is like to unintentionally offend social moralists. Fortunately they always forgive my addiction to junior high raunch. (Great thing about Christians – ask for forgiveness and they give it. Try that with the IRS.)  But at some point they really need to kick back and understand that while they may be uptight about adult humor, and they have every right to be as uptight as they like, the rest of us are not. In fact, most of us enjoy a good yuck, even if it’s a little naughty. Nudge nudge, wink wink. And it’s time for them to turn the other cheek (Holding back a butt joke here).

And while there will be folks who are offended by just about any joke, the whole idea of liberty is the acceptance that other people will value different things, well, differently. We free-marketeers yack about this all the time – don’t force us to use the light bulbs you think are best for us, don’t ban the trans fat that we might wish to enjoy, yadda, yadda. We understand that only smug we-know-how-you-should-live elitists insist on what our values must be. While politically correct leftists are renown for their lack of giggles (how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb – ONE DAMN IT, JUST ONE!), many social conservatives are too. And it breaks my heart when conservatives of any stripe share the up-tightness of collectivists.

As for the Guv, Hick please don’t apologize and certainly don’t second-guess your well intentioned, off-the-cuff comments. I hate that you are such a popular politician; and I am not looking forward to when you use your lovable, ah-shucks personality to pimp yet another tax increase (oh yes, it is coming). But your sense of humor is one of your greatest political assets. Don’t let a couple of hyper-sensitive prudes pressure you into self-censorship. Self-censorship is to only be experienced by Republican students on college campuses.

Oh, and Guv, welcome to my world.

P.S. If anyone is interested in me in the shower, the mayor’s wife has pictures.         (Um, that’s a joke.)

Tonight at 10 pm mountain I broadcast my last late night edition of my 850 KOA radio show. Sorry to disappoint you, but no, I am not leaving Denver radio. But I will be getting some sleep. I’ll still be filling in for all your favs like Boyles, Rosen, Caplis and gang. Also I be hosting my own show on 630 KHOW Sunday evenings. I’ll tell you all about it tonight.

The important thing is that we stay in touch. My Facebook page is filled to the maximum 5000 friends, so PLEASE “like” my fan page by clicking here.

Also please follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

Too many choices! What’s a guy to do? I feel like Dave Kopel trying to choose between a Star Trek and Doctor Who convention. CBS Denver channel 4 is having a contest to award the most valuable Denver area blogger. I feel fortunate to have some skin in the game with both our own Amy Oliver’s Energy Policy blog and the great blog facilitator Peoples Press Collective, of which I contribute to regularly. Additionally, Colorado Peak Politics is also in the running. And I really like them too.

I think when it’s all said and done, my loyalty has to be with Amy and her Energy blog. It’s really one of a kind here in Colorado. There is no other place to go for the latest in free market energy and environmental news in Colorado. I won’t tell you who to vote for, but if you need a little nudge, click on Energy Policy for me. We appreciate it.

It seems everyone has a Facebook account these days. Ever been poked by your Grandma? Yeah, I almost switched over to Google+ that very second. Nevertheless, Facebook remains my favorite social networking website. (I’m also on Twitter by the way). The Independence Institute has been on Facebook for awhile, but we’re taking it a bit more seriously now. Which means I’m demanding all my minions post on our Facebook page regularly – or else become friended by Grandma.

In the interest of being cool and up to date on all things Independence Institute, head on over to our fan page and “like” it. You won’t regret it. Grandma says so.

This December will be the tenth anniversary of the death of my daughter Parker.

I remember at the time wondering if there was even a glimmer of a chance that I could survive ten minutes, no less ten years into the future. Thanks to the kind hearts of more people than I could ever thank, I am still here.

Like so many people who didn’t have children, I thought I had a pretty good handle on the world. After becoming a parent I realized just how little I really knew; being Parker’s dad was humbling. I had no concept how little I understood of love before Parker came. I had such an odd concept of what was important before her. Parker was my only child at the time and the center of the universe. By all appearances she was thriving and perfect.

Just over two weeks before Parker’s first birthday we found she had a lemon-sized tumor in her head. The next day we found that it was cancer and it had spread to her spine. The next day, after a biopsy, we found that it was likely a vicious cancer for which there is no cure. During surgery they implanted a stint to relieve the painful swelling caused by the fluid building around the tumor.

I walked into the recovery room, and there she was. She looked so beautiful in spite of tubes going in and out of her head and arms, and a stifling tangle of wires attached all over her. She looked up at me with an expression that just screamed, “Daddy, why are you letting them do this to me? What have I done wrong?”

Two days later the pathology report confirmed her death sentence. Armed only with a morphine pump we took my little girl home to die. Less than a week before her first birthday she was gone.

I can’t explain, because there no words to explain, the helplessness and powerlessness of holding your only child as she suffers in pain and confusion knowing there is nothing, nothing you can do but watch and pray you could somehow trade places.

I knew this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me and mine; it happens to other people. Now I know it does happen, and it happens to families just like yours too. That’s one of the reasons YOU need to care about the Children’s Hospital. They did the very best they could for my little girl and treated her with the dignity and love she deserved. Parker had the very best doctors and nurses at her call.

I hate to tell you that if this could happen to my family, it could happen to yours. And if that should ever happen you will thank God that people had given to make Children’s Hospital the place it is.

A dear friend, Tracy Smith, every year takes part in a fund-raiser for Children’s – the Courage Classic bike ride. She does so in the name of my little girl Parker. I am asking you personally to make a pledge to her effort. Please do it to help keep Parker’s memory alive. Please do it to save the child like Parker in your life.

Donate here, http://www.couragetours.com/2011/tracy_smith

All my thanks,

Jon

Happy Earth Day!

Did you know “Mother Earth” has civil rights? And that soon her self-appointed representatives can bring charges against other earthlings (that’d be us) who infringe on her rights in something called a “Ministry of Mother Earth”? I didn’t believe it either until I read this article outlining the latest brilliance coming out of the UN.

Assuming this treaty passes the earth can send her subpoenas to my attorneys c/o Independence Institute.

Can one plead the 5th to driving my SUV over the limit with the A/C blasting and the windows down? In any event we are starting my legal defense fund.

In other news, the 2011 Colorado legislative session is just about over. Let’s see if the Republicans can live up to their campaign promises about protecting freedom and free markets in the face of some questionable bills like: SCR-01 which not only threatens a citizen’s right to petition their government. And don’t forget about the enormous amount of corporate welfare coming to natural gas producers and Xcel thanks to a couple of bills that fleece ratepayers and have passed out of committee. Finally, we’ve got to deal with a potential state health insurance exchange. Health Care Policy Center director Linda Gorman laid out the case that these exchanges do not increase consumer choice and only make implementation of ObamaCare easier at the state level.

Let’s hope Republicans don’t fall prey to Caldara’s first political axiom… and instead, stick to their principles in the face of these anti-freedom bills. With a Republican controlled house these can only pass if Republicans help.